god bless early evening margaritas, but sometimes they are not even enough to knock me out.

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off. Often, in fact. It is nearly two in the morning and I am exhausted, but there she goes anyway, whurr whurr whurr.

It is the end of the quarter, and there are many papers due. At times like these I wish our English department were less legit, and more like the crones with smoker's rasps I imagine in cinematic greyscales. Instead I have all sorts of creative papers due, when I'd almost rather blow through ten pages of analysis and be done with it all. That's what Mr Feeny would let me do. Come on now.

Is it possible to get jobs without lying on resumes? Not that I'm considering it, but after a week of scanning want ads, it has become apparent that I am not even qualified to sell you shoes. Having kind references will probably do wonders, but having no useful skills or work experience (besides managing theaters and asking you if you have a minute for the environment) is no longer cool.

It is possible that I am awake because of Anne Carson. I've been rereading Autobiography of Red, and it is wrecking me again, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Fact: quality creative non-fiction is just poetry for people afraid of line breaks. That's why Carson is ours, and you can't have her. You neither, fiction. As much as I grumble about law school all the time, I secretly know the arts have me because I love the feeling of being emotionally destroyed by something and only being 35% sure of the reason. I want to unlock the secrets of that, but only in the making, I never want to read for it. That whole deal is where poetry wins, too... there is a thousand times more going on than you know, or want to know, but damn if you don't feel it.

I have a great fear of remaining massively unproductive. And no follow up to that assertion.